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Clearly Simple


At age 27, I read the New Testament 1 time; the truth was obvious; I got saved. Shortly there after I had a 20 minute conversation with God in my mind about 3 things:

  • Sex

  • Alcohol

  • Drugs – specifically psychotropics


The answers were clear & simple.


Alcohol Biblically is OK in moderation but drunkenness is excess. A little alcohol is healthy – a little more is toxic. God is truth & lives only in truth. The Devil is a liar & only speaks the truth to deceive. Inebriation induces distortion = deception = living lies; thus living lies esthetically positive or negative – living out of relationship with truth (God) & in relationship with lies (Satan). I can live the good & bad times of life sober with God & inherit a perfect eternity with Him or the good & bad times intoxicated with Satan & inherit a miserable eternity with him. Either way I will have good & bad times in this life. If one is inclined to get drunk it is better not to drink. God is not fooled by denial.


Drugs (psychotropics) are only taken recreationally to get high = stoned = intoxicated = living lies … same as drunkenness. Obviously, it is OK to get a person drunk or stoned before cutting off their leg. Our conversation is concerning recreational purposes. Recreational consumption in many jurisdictions is illegal; for Christians, God requires we obey temporal laws that do not contradict His – for non-Christians, do they want needless problems with authorities.


Those who say they do not get stoned – LIAR (probably). I never knew anyone who bought recreational drugs (of any kind) unless 1 hit, ‘BLASTED THEM.’


For those who perhaps abuse prescription medication; God sees through your denial – for those who do not know God, lies eventually catch-up with us, often after a lot of personal & peripheral damage. Intoxication is living a lie in itself & the lies get bigger with practice.


For more specifics http://www.realitycheq.com/RC_14_What_About_Drugs.htm


My choice was a no-brainer. I have not been drunk or stoned since then, 1985.


Sex – till I knew God, like most of this generation, getting married before sex seemed illogical. Yet, God clearly states the opposite. How could it be? When I humbly accepted He dose not make mistakes, at the least it would be unlikely, He certainly is more intelligent – the answer was clear. If you find the mate God has for you, you do not need to ‘look under the hood’ for He has made you for each other - spiritually, emotionally & physically.


Over the years I have asked many, “If you had a daughter, though it is her choice, would you prefer her to have sex before or after she got married?” It is amazing how many divert saying, “It is her choice,” though I had already said that. 90% + ultimately responded, after. Daughter was used because there is an unfortunate double standard for sons. So why do so many men have sex with other men’s daughters before marriage.


Consider - if sexual activity was not engaged until after marriage & only between spouses, sexual diseases would be eradicated in 1-3 generations. Aborted babies would be minimal.


Sexual craving, like drugs, is not generally developed until after experienced. Thus avoiding sexual activity (including masturbation) & perverted conversations, relations, & media will minimize premature desires – like avoiding drug related associations. Mature conversation with parents as children become inquisitive is encouraged. Not having sexual experience until marriage, minimizes pre-marriage distraction & post-marriage temptation – if one marries the mate God intended.  Minimizing pre-marriage distraction maximizes maturity in life skills, personal interactions, education, extracurricular activities & career development – inducing self confidence enabling the ability to be a provider rather than a parasite, preventing codependent relationships.


Before the sexual revolution of the 1960’s, marriage was not perfect in an imperfect world. However, divorce has increased from under 10% to 70% in 1 generation. The children being damaged most – for selfish pleasure.


The line drawn – where? Keep it plutonic until marriage. All else is a “GO, GO STOP” game of temptation until “GO, GO DON’T STOP” … the mistake of misplacing spousal foreplay for childish adventure. Selfless love does not temp – selfish lust does – mutual or not. Such is a recipe for a volatile relationship.


Foundation = building relations. Platonic relations cause much less pain if they go in different directions. True love does not do damage for self or mutual pleasure.


Before I became sexually active, if I was attracted to a pretty girl but found her odd, I lost interest quickly. After I became sexually active it was amazing what I put up with to get in bed with a similar girl. In sexually involved unmarried relationships, often one partner is more committed than the other. The more committed person usually gets hurt. If the less committed person does not leave or sabotage the relationship or find an alternative preferred opportunity, they may stay. However, the relationship is usually inferior at best.


In retrospect, mutually compatible relationships trumped physical attraction, long term. If there was no attraction there was no relationship. However, attraction at the expense of character is deadly - the inevitable effect of sexual enticement motivated relationships. The irony is that long term, socially compatible relationships are sexually more gratifying.


A relationship contrary to God’s leading, is Satan’s 2nd best at best.


Sexual temptation - did God create sex to temp us. If we do not experience sexual activity until marriage, temptation is nil. When a God directed plutonic couple marry because of an excellent friendship, the pleasures of sex becomes a glue in a relationship based on serving the other not self. In a carnal sexual relationship of self interest the glue of sex often eventually leads to an explosion – holding something not meant to be together.


Conclusion – since enlightenment, I have not & would not think of or touch a woman in a way other than I would my sister, until the day I married her, for she is my spiritual sister until she is my wife.


This is common sense, not necessarily to those that know about God but those who know God. Those without God are lost, like animals fornicating with any luring sent.  


The right way – children growing up non-polluted by premature sexual experience – void of sexual temptation. Thus forming healthy friendships with the opposite sex; some flourish, others wane but with minimal discomfort because of platonic temperament. Lack of sexual lust encourages self development in academics, sports, arts, careers & extracurricular activities. There is a diminished desire to be involved with negative peer activities that often have a sexual undercurrent. Self achievement diminishes insecurities inducing a confident desire to give & serve rather than take & demand.


In due season, a giving he & a giving she, in a platonic friendship, realize they have no greater earthly pleasure than being with each other. God confirms His desire for their marriage. The wedding, the 1st experience of each pleasing the other – the realization that God had truly designed them for each other. No intruding memories of others. What better environment for a newborn child to be.


The alternative – midlife nightmarish reminders of a degenerate youth, destructive relationships, failed marriages & damaged children - memories of underdeveloped potentials & thoughts of what could have been.





The peace of God be with you !!!




Copyright © 2004-2008   Dr. Vance Coan   *



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Biblical References:

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(Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.) 1995.



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